Soap is not a condiment
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
