Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
