when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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