Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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