Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
