In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I need a burrito and a hug.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
