He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
