she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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