I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
