someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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