i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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