Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
