the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
