Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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