Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
