if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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