no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
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I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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