i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
