We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
