Well apparently he's into motor boating.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
