We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In America we eat man semen.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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