I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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