i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
