i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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