omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
