Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
