I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Drake has all the answers
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
