im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
