Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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