you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
