i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
