im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
