he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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