I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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