He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
