Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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