Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't put those talents on a resume
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
