It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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