so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
