areolas are like halos for boobs.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
