it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
