tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
