Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
