You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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