The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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