So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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