Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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