I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
