i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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