so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
