I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have fence marks all over my body
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize