Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do vagina's smell?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
