but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
