He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
