had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
