I wish my penis had an off switch
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
