It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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