Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize