Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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