Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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