sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
