I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
