So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
