i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
