I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
