dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
