I just pynch a tree in the face
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
