You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
