drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
